home?

I just returned from a 4-day visit to North Carolina. I was brought there by my former employer, and my time in NC was largely theirs. The few free hours I had were spent with just a few folks... I didn’t want to make a big deal of my return like I did last fall.

Because Portland feels like home now. 9 months in, I can finally say that I’m building good, lasting friendships here. I’ve got a boyfriend who loves me dearly, and tons of listeners who know and care about me. So, truth be told, I wasn’t really looking forward to returning to North Carolina this time. I was almost dreading the trip. I wanted to stay here --in Portland, at home-- and not be bogged down by reminisces of my past. It’s hard to describe these feelings. I love and miss all my friends in NC, but reconnecting can be painful and almost undermine what I’m working on here. It’s emotional whiplash. So yeah, I kind of wanted to just breeze in and out and be somewhat undetected.

My dread wasn’t wholly unjustified. The work-stuff got pretty bad. The atmosphere there is just really negative, and during those few days I felt like a life raft for a lot of my former co-workers. One even cried on my shoulder while I was there. (“We miss you! We need your buoyant spirit!”) I don’t need that pressure or responsibility. I did that for 9 years; I’m done now.

But the friend-stuff was really nice. I saw only a handful of people (maybe two handfuls), and had a good time all-around. It was really nice to offset some of the work crap with a few casual, friendly gatherings. It was fun watching the Carolina game with honest-to-goodness Tarheels, too. (Well, the game itself wasn’t fun, but you know what I mean.) I ate some barbecue and Locopops and even a couple of frog legs. I bought some rockin’ footwear at the Wide Shoe Warehouse.


But then I flew out early Sunday morning under the cover of darkness.

I probably won’t be back in this particular capacity again. I need to cut the ties to my old station eventually, and this fall is a good time to do it -- I’ll have a scheduling conflict with my current employer, who is sending to Europe in October. So next time I return it’ll be in a purely *fun* capacity, and will be with my boyfriend. (He’s dying to see where I spent 15 years of my life.) I’m not sure when that particular trip will occur, but it will definitely happen.

In the mean time, please come visit ME! I’ve got 2 spare beds and boundless enthusiasm for Portland.