retail therapy

it's starting to hit me. the magnitude of what i've done.

the excitement has carried me a long way, really. but now that my apartment is starting to come together and i'm beginning to get the hang of the job, there's some free time at the end of each night that lends itself to loneliness.

i get out a bit. grocery store, shopping mall. an occasional dinner out. and those are good things. but still, at the end of the night i'm here by myself in a new town where i hardly know a soul.

i'm ok. don't worry. i mean, the telephone is right there. i call friends and family all the time. but then, when the conversation is through, it's me again. on my couch, by myself.

god, this sounds really pathetic. i'm doing fine. it's just that i've been breezing along in fantasyland for the last few months and now reality has set in.

and i feel a little ridiculous posting about this, because looking my calendar i have a lunch date tomorrow, a garden party thursday night, i'm playing golf on saturday afternoon, and i'm having dinner with friends saturday night. so what the fuck am i complaining about?

i guess it would just be nice to have someone to hug at the end of the night. to tell me i did the right thing.